Michelangelo's Gay Organ
Being the first part of an assignment from headquarters

     The Fairy Factoid
by Andrew Barriger

    Not having power bites.  Not having power in the entire region really bites.  As regular readers know, the Factoid Home Office is in Ferndale, Michigan.  We southeast Michiganians were lucky enough to get to participate in the Blackout of 2003.  Fortunately, it was in the high eighties, with ninety percent humidity.  We wouldn’t have wanted to have the comfortable weather that came on Sunday for the worst of the outage.
    At any rate, there is a point here, beyond gratuitous complaining – while enduring the power outage, there was nothing to do.  No power meant no stores, no internet, no malls, no restaurants, nothing.  So, naturally, we at the Factoid used this opportunity to be productive – there was nothing else to do.  Fortunately, phones were still working.  Unfortunately, the regular cell phone used for meetings was depleted.  So, we were forced to have the meeting from the “comfort” of this writer’s living room.  I dialed the remote team’s number, and was greeted by Daniel’s ever-chipper voice.
    “So, how’s the vampire thing going?” I asked.  For the past few weeks, the Fairy Factoid’s crack team of reporters had been traipsing about Europe, searching for the gay connection to vampire stories.
    Daniel sighed.  “Man, it sucks.”  He was so punny, but it was hot and I wasn’t in the mood.
    “Hey, the editor made a request,” I segued.
    “Oh?”
    “Yeah, he wants us to research which part of the body is the ‘gay’ organ.”
    There was a pause.  “You’re kidding, right?”
    I laughed – that had been my first reaction, too.  “Nope, that’s really what he said,” I affirmed.
    Daniel wasn’t going to let it go so easily.  “Shouldn’t he already know?  I mean, he’s been out longer than any of us.  You’d have to be a total rat-brained—”
    “Daniel!”
    “Sorry.  Don’t tell him I said that.”
    “Maybe,” I said.  My hand scribbled furiously…‘total rat-brained…’  I continued,  “He was referencing Michelangelo’s anatomy studies.  He wanted to know if Michelangelo had indicated a gay organ.”
    “I don’t think he did,” Daniel said slowly.
    “I think he was looking for something more conclusive, Daniel.”
    “That means we have to go back to Italy,” he pointed out.
    “Yes.”
    “I don’t know if Colin really liked Italy,” Daniel commented.  “He made a few contacts, but people were a lot more clandestine than he’s used to, especially in Rome.”
    “That’s why I’m talking to you.”
    “Oh.  Oh!  You mean this is my first direct assignment?”
    He can be taught.  “Bingo!”
    Daniel thought for a minute.  “Wow.  Okay.  I’ll need a crew.”
    I knew that.  He wasn’t going to like my plan.  “You can take Deirdre.”
    “Oh, come on,” he objected.  “All she ever wants to do is play tennis.”
    Yep, as I expected.  “Then this will be a good experience for her.”
    “Let me take Matt,” Daniel said.  Daniel and Matt had worked together on many projects, but I thought it would be good for him to expand his horizons.
    “Colin doesn’t like Deirdre.  If I let you take Matt, Colin will pout the entire time you’re gone.”
    One thing I could count on with Daniel was that he was a team player.  “Fine.  Where do I begin?”
    “Uh, hello?  I’m sitting in my living room with no power.  I’ve never been to Italy.  Don’t you think you should have a clue?  Aren’t a lot of the Michelangelo works at the Vatican?”
    “And how, pray tell, do you expect me to get into the Vatican?”
    “Apply to be a priest?  I’m sure you’d fit right in.”
    “Thanks.  When do you need the report?”
    “Next week,” I said.  Aggressive timelines help make up for the inevitable delays.
    “Next week?  Colin and Matt should have the vampire exposé done by then.  Can’t I have the month?”
    I shook my head, though Daniel couldn’t see me.  “Hey, it’s not my fault you’re the responsible one.  Did I ask you to be the responsible one?”
    “Yes, you did.  You said, ‘Daniel, Colin is a pain in the butt.  I want you to keep him in line.’”
    “Oh.  Well, good job that.  Anyway, off you go.  Daily reports, please.”
    Daniel groaned.  “Ugh.  The things I do for you and that editor.”
    I nodded.  “I know.  Thanks, bud.  ’Night.”
    “’Night,” Daniel said and hung up.
    Michelangelo’s gay organ.  Oh yeah, this was going to be rich.  Now if I could just get some air conditioning…
The Fairy Factoid is extensively researched and painstakingly presented by Andrew Barriger, author of Finding Faith and Finding Peace. Neither the author nor the editor is responsible for any factual errors that may be contained herein, no matter how itsy-bitsy they might be.
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