The Fairy Factoid©

The Week After, the Week After

by Andrew Barriger

     “So then he tried to tell me Earth had been invaded by various alien races throughout history and had only managed to overthrow the invaders by the skin of its teeth,” Daniel said.

     Thud.  Thud.  Thud.  My feet were hitting the rapidly spinning surface of the treadmill at a speed just under a run.  The editor liked to call it multitasking.  He accused me of being a master of it.  I don’t know about that, but I did know I needed to spend more quality time at the gym and less time at the coffee house.  So, this week’s team meeting—or, as it was rapidly becoming, conference call—was happening from the cardio section of the gym.  My headset hung from my right ear and was attached to the phone resting in the cup on the control panel.

     “What did you say?” I asked, trying not to sound too out of breath.

     “I told him I needed to get back.”

     I frowned.  “Daniel, that was two weeks ago.”

     “Yeah, well, I thought maybe I should check out some of his story on my way back.  I mean, after all, you’d paid to send us to Rome.  I thought you should get something for your money.”

     I nearly shed a tear.  Leave it to Daniel to be the employee to actually care about the Factoid seeing a return on its investment.

     “Find any little green men?”

     Daniel sighed, half a world away.  “Nah, just more Roswell grays.  Honestly, those guys are everywhere.”

     “Were they gay?”

     “Couldn’t tell for sure.  They’re kind of androgynous.”

     I drank from my water bottle, secretly wishing I’d figured out a way to sneak a cocoamochafrappalattechino into the gym.  The gym people, who were really only one step away from pod people, frowned on such indulgences.  One of the gym people caught my attention and I watched as he stopped to dust one of the treadmills in front of me.  His eyes reminded me of Daniel’s, a rich sky blue with flecks of—

     “Andy, are you still there?”

     Reality reasserted itself, pulling me from my reverie.  “Yeah, sorry.  I got distracted for a minute.”

     “Cute Gym Guy?” Daniel asked.

     “Well, not the regular one, but—hey, wait a minute.  Don’t you start.”

     “Sorry,” he said, laughing.  “So I was asking if you wanted to meet the grays.”

     I shook my head.  “Nah, I’m pretty busy right now.  I mean, I’m having to run the newsletter from the gym, for cryin’ out loud.  The editor is constantly on my case about meeting deadlines, we still haven’t found a decent photographer, and Colin continues to avoid my calls.”

     “You were a little squinty in that last picture.  Try shade next time—it’ll show off your eyes,” Daniel suggested.  Leave it to him to notice someone’s eyes.

     The evil treadmill computer increased the incline, causing me to huff a little more.  “Where is the rest of the team, by the way?” I asked.

     “Last I heard, they were going to check into Dracula legends in Romania and Transylvania.  I told Deirdre they were another great historical reference that was sure to have gay overtones.  You know, prowling around in the dark and biting and sucking and such.”

     I choked on my water.  “Daniel, what clubs do you hang out at?”

     “Well, not that I’m a vampire, mind you.  I mean, my experience is more limited, you know, and…”

     “Yeah,” I said.

     “Plus, I thought it would keep with that whole sex thing.”

     I shook my head.  “They were more out for blood,” I pointed out.

     “Are you sure?” Daniel asked.  “I mean, maybe that’s just the sanitized U.S. version.  You know how those revisionist historians can be.”

     “Did you run this by Betty?” I inquired.

     “She’s more a Bailey’s girl.”

     I nearly tripped as I tried to figure that out.  Sometimes, Daniel was a little cerebral.  To heck with the computer, I slowed the machine down a little.  At this rate, I wind up needing a bypass before I was thirty…something.

     “Hey,” Daniel interjected.  “I met this group of astronomers while I was investigating the space aliens.  A couple of them were pretty helpful in telling me some places to check out for the vampire research.  They were kind of excited to see real live undead people.”

     “Why?”

     “They watch a lot of Emeril.”

     Again, I pretended to have a clue.  After almost an hour on the treadmill, my legs felt like they were going to turn to stone.  It was time to call it quits.

     “So you’re off to Romania and Transylvania?”

     “Maybe,” Daniel said.  “I still have a couple things to check out here in Rome, too.  Some people think Michelangelo was gay, you know.  I’ll get a report to you next week.”

     “Be safe.”  He agreed and we said our goodbyes.  Yet again, the team had managed to concoct a reason to stay in Europe.  I hoped that sooner or later we might get an article out of them for our troubles, but I was a mere writer, well versed in fiction…

The Fairy Factoid is extensively researched and painstakingly presented by Andrew Barriger, author of Finding Faith and the upcoming sequel, Finding Peace. Neither the author nor the editor is responsible for any factual errors that may be contained herein, and any resemblance to actual facts is purely coincidental.

ATTENTION FACTOID READERS:

Finding Peace, the much-anticipated sequel to Andrew Barriger’s Finding Faith, is being released to publication at the end of this month.  Look to Andrew Barriger’s website, www.andrewbarriger.com, over the coming weeks for publication updates and sneak previews!